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Celebrity Cat Recipes

Joe Bennett

Story about guy who used to drive around ChCh in a beat up old car with his dog in back seat and daughter in front. Dog had back seat full of old rug and feed bowl etc. Daughter had front seat full of crap toys like water pistol and sundry dolls and cars etc. Anyway one day he stalls car at lights, and a car full of hoons starts tooting horn at him. So he starts car again and drives off really really slow. Then at Latimer Sq the street splits in two, and the hoons car pulls alongside, both windows come down, and a boy and a girl start yelling abuse. "The driver kept the car alongside so that Mike and his little daughter could enjoy the full extent of the abuse they deserved. But Mike is not dead yet. He had been expecting something along these lines. As the first tranche of the median strip separated his car from theirs he raised from his lap his daughter's water pistol. Mike reckons the first jet got the girl in the open mouth. The second drenched the young man. Then the median strip widened and irrevocably sent the two cars their separate ways....

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"On the main street of Reefton there's a reproduction miner's hut where tourists can get a mug of authentic billy tea and where the Bearded Mining Company provides a couple of authentic bearded miner types to photograph. What the company wisely doesn't do is maker the tourists authentically wet, cold, poor, miserable and ravaged to hell and back by sandflies.

More books on Travel and Tourism

By and large the conservation estate is nicer to imagine than to be in. We may be sentimental about it but it isn't sentimental about us. It just doesn't care. Politically, nature is far to the right of the Act Party, with a policy of ruthless competition, and no welfare state for the losers.

More books on Politics and Political Correctness

And however much we cultivate an image of this country as one hundred percent pure, we overwhelmingly prefer the impure bits.... I don't mind if we mine a few bits of conservation land so long as we put it back more or less as it was afterwards. There's a lot of it, it's not as nice as we pretend, few people go there and besides, whatever we do to it, it's going to win in the end.

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Reputation Control .........................................................................................Client William Flew