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Don't Vote It Just Encourages The Bastards

P.J.O'Rourke





The New Testament mentions happiness just 7 times and never in a happy context. But we're not happy at the moment. "I'm happy" doesn't mean "I'm having fun". Remember all the fun you've had. When it was really fun it didn't end up making anybody very happy. "I'm happy" is equivalent to "I'm content" which means "I won't complain because no-one listens to me." The Declaration of Independence reads "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness", not "Life Liberty and Whoopee".Choosing "pursuit" rather than plain "happiness" is a reminder of what happens to the poor suckers who, in their pursuit of happiness, catch the thing. America's legion of minor, temporary tabloid stars can tell the rest of the story, if they survive their stardom. Maybe they'd have been better to have left the word happy out of it altogether, then we cd say things like "Wealthy Birthday" "Drunken days are here again" and "Sexually aroused to meet you"

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America is on the verge of having a huge surplus of retirees. Govt subsidies always produce surpluses, the way they did with subsidized wheat and cheese. Subsidized surpluses, there prices fixed by law, do not respond to conventional methods of clearing over-priced goods. What will we do with all these old people? We may have to do what we did with the extra wheat and cheese - donate them overseas in the hope of aiding developing countries that lack age, wisdom and the early bird special at Denny's.

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The "birther" the "9/11 Truther" the "Grassy Knoller" of the JFK assassination and every other conspiracy buff is announcing aloud "The world is so simple that even I can understand it." All conspiracy theories are based on the assumptions that one, any group of people numbering two or more can ever agree on anything longer than it takes to get a beer from the fridge and, two, that they'll keep their mouths shut.

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But the Birthers should console themselves that there in fact eight presidents who definitely weren't born in the US: George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson and William Henry Harrison.

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Economics has a phrase "concentrated benefits and diffuse costs." The Vice President of US costs about $600,000 a year to run, of which abt half is salary and expenses. He is completely and obviously useless. But he costs each of the 300 million Americans 2/10 of a cent each, so who cares? Well obviously the VP does. He is the "concentrated benefits" part.

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