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Every Man Should Know

Nick Mamatas

Greeks have a great name for it - malaka - someone who has been so excessive in his masturbation that he is brain damaged., and all their endeavours are semen-soaked failures.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

I can see you're nobody's fool. Maybe we can get someone to adopt you.

So dumb he tripped over the cord on his cell phone.

Looks like a movie star - I'm thinking Gollum

Hawaiian shirts come in L, XL, Rush and Sumo

An erection doesn't count as personal growth. Especially yours.

Can I borrow your tweezers when you've done masturbating?

Just stop waffling and tell me what you've done with my gerbil.

I bet you have a really nice little sports car. Catullus, C1 Rome: "Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo, Aureli pathice etcinaede Furi" (I will sodomize you and face-fuck , Cock-sucker Aurelius and catamite Furius)

He'd be out of his depth in a puddle.

He does the work of three men = Larry, Moe and Curly.

Are these your kids? They seem so bright!

If I throw a stick, will you fetch it?

Fireship: woman who spreads STDs

Hircine: smelling like a goat

Slubberdegullion: a slobbering and dirty person

Uphill gardener: homosexual

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