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Little Theories of Life

Peter FitzSimons

Reckons that real reason mankind gave up nomadic life was because invented beer and couldn't carry large quantities of it round while it fermented.

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If you analyse sports results for most years, the home team wins 65 - 70% of the time. So unless they're radically outclassed, just pick home team. (Predicting the weather works much the same way - just assume tomorrow will be the same as today and you'll be right 70% of the time.)

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Why does soccer have riots? Because so few scores - no chance for the catharsis of a try etc to relieve spectators pent-up emotion. And cricketers commit suicide at rate of four times that of other sportsmen - perhaps because cricket is so unforgiving, particularly for batsmen - one small mistake and you're out, with no chance of redemption, and your mistake is replayed over and over again on game highlights.

Bertrand Russell quote "the trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt." But on talkback radio, certainty sells. Although a rule invariably applies - the amount of certainty expressed by the media on a topic is directly inversely related to how much they know about the topic.

When men fill their cars with petrol, they always give the nozzle a bit of a shake to get last few drops, whereas women never do.

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Philip Adams reckoned if you found someone who read a book a week, you'd met a good person. Reason being that if you read a variety of books it shows an intellect and desire to understand other points of view. It is simply impossible to be widely read and also sustain a mean spirit with a closed mind.

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The Meaning of Life. Quotes Flaubert: 'That man has missed something who has never left a brothel at sunrise feeling like throwing himself into the river out of pure disgust.'

Always hold elections in spring, because that's when punters feel happiest and most optimistic.

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