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365 Nights

Charla Muller

Sex every night for a year - started out as a 40th birthday present - had benefit of being original, memorable, and cost-free.

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Immediately noticed how much happier her husband was, so asked him he had been at all worried by the drought before. "Well hon, it really sucks to get rejected all the time." which she had never considered before.

One of her friends negotiated with husband who finally says "I'm just so tired of living in Nagland." She bites her tongue, then next day drives to his office with a powerpoint presentation entitled "How Teresa and John can get on the same page".

Husband gripes about her never being able to say no to casual requests for her time, "but you never have trouble saying no to me." Which is true of every woman she knows - can't say no to school PTA etc, but they say no to husbands day in and day out. She has a GF who says she wakes up each day and decides who she'll be that day - PTA mom, carpooler, cook etc etc. But she never wakes up and thinks 'Today I'll be a wife'. Thing is, of course, that if you don't volunteer, it's public knowledge, whereas no-one knows you're not having sex with your husband.

Time at work where she had to search for car keys - eventually found them where they'd been all day - in the car, in the ignition, with the engine running.

She found that daily sex required her to notice Brad - to look him in the eye and connect, both physically and emotionally. "Now I physically touch my husband in a different way instead of handing him a dressed child and telling him not to forget the backpack and lunch."

"I discovered that our home is no longer fraught with tension because we're no longer silently or verbally negotiating whether or not we'll have sex that day, that week or that month."

Main difference was in how she had to behave. She used to get really upset, usually because he hadn't read her mind about something; husband would then shut down and try to fly under the storm until she calmed down. But although guys can have sex even when mad at partner, she couldn't. So if she was going to have sex every day, she had to lose the attitude. "I was more thoughtful, more attentive, gentler in how I treated Brad, simply because regular intimacy required me to be in a fairly good place emotionally."

(Only day missed was NY Eve, - husband too tired to stay up, and not worried because knew would get it next day.)

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