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Dave Barry

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Geography is reason why so many Stupids in Florida. Imagine you're a lab rat in a big rectangular maze with a long skinny corridor sticking out of the lower right corner. All the rats eventually find themselves in this corridor, but any with a modicum of brains can figure out how to turn round and get back into main part. Except for the stupid ones. But the main point of this is that all the Stupids have come from the other states, the ones who are laughing at Florida for being the home of all the Stupids.

Problem with New Yorkers, for example, who move to Florida, with apparently no intention of ever moving back, but who never stop complaining about how bad Florida is compared to, say, New York. "I still go to NY often, and when I do, I enjoy it's many positive qualities. I don't dwell on the negatives .... I don't observe that when you eat in popular restaurants the tables are jammed so close together that adjoining diners sometimes accidentally put their food in your mouth."

Apparent contradiction - the national consensus is that Florida is a stupid weird hellhole and a hurricane zone that will sooner rather than later be largely submerged by climate change. Yet people keep moving here. Even non-stupid ones. And stay here.

Reasons to like Florida:

Weather always warm. Sometimes too warm, but too warm beats the hell out of too cold. Too warm means you might have to have another beer.

The women are amazing. Whereas in other states women go out wearing anything that vaguely resembles clothing, Florida women look after themselves (bc they never know when they'll need to find a new husband). "The result is that Miami is swarming with what a less evolved person than myself would call smoking hot babes."

It has Disney World, which means that you can get in your car in Miami, and in just three and a half hours you can be in the Magic Kingdom, standing in a four hour queue to get into Space Mountain. You cannot put a price tag on a family experience like that.

Florida's History

For a long time F agriculture was cotton-picking, which was hard work but much of the labor was provided by slaves, who were always willing to lend a hand in exchange for not being beaten to death.

In early 1920's first Florida Land Boom, during which Miami went from being a sleepy village to a thriving metropolis, until the 1926 hurricane turned it back into a sleepy village, but with a lot more kindling.

Cape Canaveral turned out to be a great place to launch rockets, bc, over the years, all the hurricanes had blown away most of the gravity.

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