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Dr Tatiana's Sex Guide To All Creation

Olivia Judson

In most species the girls will mate with several males, and often far more often than necessary just to fertilize the eggs. And many species have higher conception rates if several parTners (rabbits, prairie dogs for example)

But the more promiscuous the females, the more aggressive the males - males under great pressure to outdo one another in all aspects of lovemaking. Damselflies have some of the fanciest penises around - an inflatable balloon with two horns at top plus bristles down the side (to scour out any previous sperm. Same applies to primates - where the female monogamous, penises are small - a 460lb gorilla has a 2 inch penis

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The odds are against male honeybees. A female will mate once, over a few days, with about 20 males - as many as 25,000 males may assemble to contend for a single queen. So any male who succeeds has nothing to lose by exploding, hopefully leaving his genitals blocking any future suitor

Banana slugs (giant yellow slugs of NW Pacific) are hermaphrodite, but get only one chance of being male, because their gigantic and complex penises usually get stuck in female, so the pair take turns gnawing it off. It never grows back, so from then on the slug is a female only

Common for males to give food in exchange for sex, so she who loves most, eats best

Chimps are extremely promiscuous - when they come in heat its all on - one recorded 8 partners in 15 minutes

Only one creature has a hobby - bowerbirds are big and strong, so can easily chase away smaller birds from favourite fruit trees, and so have time on their hands, so have developed art as a hobby. Females will choose mate with best displays. So vandalism and theft common.

Iguanas masturbate - because they're small high chance of being pushed off any female they get lucky with. So masturbate to reduce time needed to climax. Also common in most primate species (monkey in early Russian spacecraft got one hand free - they were intending to use film of cabin for educational use, but the (very bored) monkey spent whole time playing with himself)

While a praying mantis has a head his brain sends a message keeping his libido in check. But when female bites head off stops message and he turns into a sex fiend, pumping energetically until there's nothing left of him.

Humans similar. When a man is being strangled, he gets an erection, not because sexual pleasure, but because 'down boy!' signals from brain stop coming

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