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The Fart Tootorial:
Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, and the Complete Toot Taxonomy
Ben Applebaum and Dan DiSorbo
In a world full of big cynicism and seismic discord, it's time to celebrate and honor the little things that connect us. Sometimes those little things are random acts of kindness and generosity. Sometimes those little things are random acts of the digestive tract. And we're here to talk about the latter.
Farting is part of the universal human experience. Farting knows no borders: every person from every corner of the globe breaks wind. (The average person toots 14 times per day, in case you were wondering.) But most importantly, farting is just funny. And in this collective modern malaise that clouds our outlook with negativity, it's time to break out of our funk by laughing at another kind of funk.
This is what motivated us to write our latest book, The Fart Tootorial: Farting Fundamentals, Master Blaster Techniques, and the Complete Toot Taxonomy. And to spread the other kind of good vibrations.
Before you dismiss fart humor has low brow and juvenile, remember that Ben Franklin once famously remarked, "Fart proudly." And the great Louis C.K. more recently stated, "You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to." In fact, the world's oldest recorded joke is a Sumerian knee-slapper from 1900 B.C. about, you guessed it, ancient air biscuits. Here's the translation: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap." (guess you had to be there.)
Fart humor is alive and well today. For proof, look no further than the thousands of tooting euphemisms uttered every day. Below are our favorite 150 fart terms for your reading and ripping pleasure. We hope you can work a few into your daily routine and share the positivity - one pulled finger at a time.
Air biscuit
Air tulip
Anal audio
Anal exhale
Anal salute
Anus applause
Answering the call of the wild burrito
Ass acoustics
Ass flapper
Back draft
Back-end blowout
Back blast
Baking brownies
Bark
Barking spider
Barn burner
Beef
Beep your horn
Belching clown
Benchwarmer
Blast
Blat
Blurp
Blurt
Bomber
Boom-boom
Booty bomb
Booty cough
Bottom blast
Bottom burp
Booty belch
Break wind
Brown cloud
Brown haze
Brown thunder
Bubbler
Bull snort
Bumsen burner
Bung blast
Burner
Burp out the wrong end
Bust ass
Butt bazooka
Butt bongos
Butt cheek screech
Butt dumpling
Butt sneeze
Butt trumpet
Butt tuba
Butt yodeling
Cheek squeak
Cheeser
Colon bowlin'
Cornhole clap
Cornhole tremor
Crack concert
Crack splitters
Crap call
Cut one
Cut the cheese
Drifter
Droppin' stink bombs
Duck call
Exercise the meat nozzle
Exhume the dinner corpse
Fanny beep
Fanny frog
Fecal fume
Fire in the hole
Fizzler
Flatus
Floater
Fluffy
Free speech
Frump
Gas
Get out and walk Donald
Great brown cloud
Grundle rumble
Grunt
Gurgler
Heinie hiccup
Hisser
Honker
Horton hears a poo
Hot wind
Hottie
Human hydrogen Bomb
Insane in the methane
Lay an egg
Let Polly out of jail
Mouse on a motorcycle
Nasty cough
O-ring oboe
One-man salute
Orchestra practice
Panty burp
Peter
Pewie
Pi p
Poof
Poop gopher
Pootsa
Pop tart
Power puff
Puffer
Putt-putt
Quack
Quaker
Raspberry
Rattler
Rectal turbulence
Ripass
Ripper
R oar from the rear
Rump ripper
Rump roar
Silly cyanide
Slider
Sphincter siren
Sphincter whistle
Spitter
Split the seam
Squeaker
Stale wind
Steam-press your Calvins
Steamer
Step on a duck
Step on a frog
Stink it up
Stinker
Stinky
Taint tickle
Tear ass
Testing in the Levi wind tunnel
Thunder from down under
Thurp
Toot your own horn
Tootsie
Trouser cough
Trouser trumpet
Trunk bunk
Turd tremors
Turtle burp
Tushy tickler
Under thunder
Wallop
Whiff
Whoopee
Whopper
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