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An Utterly Impartial History of Britain

(2000 Years of Upper Class Twits In Charge)

John O'Farrell

May I apologize in advance for any errors that have slipped through the checking. My only defence is that these mistakes are fairly minor compared to the decision of the Scottish army to invade Britain during the Black Death.

William the Conqueror introduced the feudal system, where serfs bound to a lord, and couldn't leave. Although if you did escape and managed to evade capture for a year and a day, you were free from bondage. Every exploitative system has the remote possibility of escape that prevents the oppressed from falling into total despair. Ours is called the National Lottery.

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William's son William Rufus (bc red face) was second Norman king of England. Never married, and left no illegitimate children either. And always dressed flamboyantly. So definitely gay then.

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William Herschel discovered the first new planet since ancient times. He sycophantically named it George's Star (Georgius Sidus) after the King, but following intense lobbying by the Guild of Comedy Writers it was named Uranus.

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Robert Clive led the British takeover by the East India Company - basically the paramilitary wing of the London Stock Exchange.

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